One That Runs Fast

Buying a Car

A husband and wife were debating on buying a new car. She wanted a fast sports car. He wanted a pickup. As time passed on, her birthday came up and she thought it a great time to fulfill her wish.

She told her husband, "Look, I want something that can go from 0 to 200. Furthermore, I want it to be able to do it in just a few seconds!"

The husband bought her a bathroom scale.

ArcaMax Jokes ezines@arcamax.com

One Good Cowboy Advice

"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket".

I should have known this earlier! I always thought of the bank that could make it but the 0.50 % per year is far too little for a thousand Baht!!! 

Attributionhttp://www.angelfire.com/ga/sweetgeorgiapeach1/advice.html

What Does Bangkok Mean?

Bangkok (Krungthep) as the capital city of Thailand is recorded to be among the longest place names in the world- in Thai, of course. But the transliteration of the original name of the city makes it so.

The original name is:
Krungthepmahanakonbowornratanakosinmahintarayudya
mahadiloponoparatanarajthaniburiromudomrajniwes
mahasatarnamornpimarnavatarsatitsakattiyavisanukamphrasit

When in Thailand, one often hears Krungthep and not Bangkok, among the natives. I just later realized the symbol (the sign that looks like "7") attached after Krungthep which means that it was cut short or that there is something following the word. It can be deduced therefore that the next words to Krungthep are: mahanakonbowornratanakosinmahintarayudya
mahadiloponoparatanarajthaniburiromudomrajniwesmahasatar
namornpimarnavatarsatitsakattiyavisanukamphrasit

The translated meaning of the full name is given below:

The land of angels, the great city of

immortality, various of devine gems,

the great angelic land unconquerable,

land of nine noble gems, the royal city, the pleasant capital,

place of the grand royal palace,

forever land of angels and reincarnated spirits,

predestined and created by the highest devas.

Attribution: http://www.facstaff.bucknell.edu/rbeard/name.html

Not Good W's In Thailand

1.WHINING- when one is discriminated on the basis of his color that he receives as much as half the salary of his whiteman's counterpart in an institution....

- when one is discriminated on the grounds of "disability" to mimic the uneducated-backpacker Englishman's* way of saying TROUSERS, BIN, or TROLLEY. Does it matter when the children don't even know their A's from their E's?
*so they say
- when a teacher is discriminated due to his teaching the youngsters the differences between:
RUBBER and ERASER; HOLIDAY and VACATION; BREAK TIME and RECESS; HEAD TEACHER and PRINCIPAL; CARETAKER and JANITOR; etc. etc.

2. WISHING WINTER TO COME- it never comes here!
3. WHEELING SLOWLY- afraid that speeding cars will run over me...
___________________________
If the basis for monthly remuneration for foreign teachers in Thailand is 'race/color', then the following wage schedule should fairly fare:

1. For Whites > 60,000 Baht
2. browns (Filipinos, Malaysians, ejusdem generis) > ฿ 30,000
3. blacks > ฿ 15,000
__________________________
Or, when generosity is absent in the school manager so that debit may prosper in his bank account:
1. W= 20 grand Baht
2. B= 10 grand Baht
3. Bl= 5,000 Baht

There seems to be fairness here....
Accounting that follows logic should tell us so....
__________________________
Hypothetical situation:
We may as well consider the little king's decision to cut costs because the school is into bankruptcy. Accordingly, the foreign teachers' budget is pulling too much from the little king's coffers and he doesn't like the tallies on the balance sheet. To curb this, he issued a memorandum with the attached new wage schedule that looked like this:
W = 10,000 Baht
B = 5,000 Baht
Bl = 2,500 Baht

Upon seeing this, B, being sensible, elected to volunteer teaching and so the little king re-adjusted W's salary to 5,000 Baht....

How Credible Is Online Education?

Nearly every webpage that I visit shows ads about online education. Some big and small, private and state universities all over the world offer online degrees. Others even bid for scholarships that are available through some schemes or agencies which are purportedly genuine. Career development required by employers in these days would let their employees seek an easier and affordable way of complying to the demand. If education for education's sake is strictly followed, the standards would mean a backbreaking  endeavor on the part of the student. But what makes one to choose online education is its time-saving, convenience and flexibility to learners characteristics.
The question is: How credible is Online Education? or Is Online Education producing Diploma Mills?

How To Accomplish Application Forms

McDonald's Job Application

This reportedly is an actual job application a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg B. (Name withheld to protect the guilty)

SEX: Not yet.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: I hated it

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

From:
ArcaMax Jokes ezines@arcamax.com

I Just Can't Remember Where I Read This Anecdote

Yes, really. I came across this anecdote before and I'm sure the story is about two elderly men who were sharing their thoughts on going to a clinic for some "Memory Upgrade"..something like that. And here I find the introduction is different but all the same it talks about forgetfulness. Not to make offense to my age group, this is also true to the young ones who sometimes are at a loss in their conversations when the brain doesn't cooperate..
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What's that Restaurant?

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Attribution: ArcaMax Jokes ezines@arcamax.com retrieved on 4 July 2010