Heart Surgeon vs. Mechanic

A heart surgeon and a mechanic  may have one thing in common - they both repair. But there's really a big difference  between their jobs......

Jerry was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Samuel Kaiser, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.

Jerry, who was somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey Kaiser. Is dat you? Come over here a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Jerry was working on the car. Jerry, in a loud voice that all could hear, said argumentatively, "So Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. I too, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I'm finished, this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"

Dr. Kaiser, very embarrassed, shook his head and replied in a soft voice, "Try doing your work with the engine running."

A Thought on Aging

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. 

School Lunch and Smart Kids

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 

"Take only ONE. God is watching." 

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. 

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples. 

___________________________

God is busy watching the apples.

The Whale Did Eat Jonah

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. 

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. 

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. 

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. 

The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". 

The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?" 

The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him". 
______________________________________
The student is sure that the teacher is going to hell.

Laws Fortgotten

Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. 

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one. 

Law of Mechanical Repair: after your hands become coated with grease, yr nose will begin to itch. 

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 

Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings. 

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 

LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will ! 

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last. 

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Attribution: http://www.funzug.com/index.php/humor/laws-which-newton-forgot-to-state.html

The New Student

It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. 

Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me death?" 

She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up. 

"Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy. 

"Now," said the teacher, "Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?'" 

Again, no response except from Toshiba: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." 

The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do." 

As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper: "Damned Japanese." 

"Who said that?" she demanded. 

Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982, my classmate he," he said. 

Job Applicant

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer replied, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yes, but you started it."

_______________

The lesson here might be: Do not overstate expectations on salaries when applying for a job.

Mechanic vs. Heart Surgeon

Heart Surgeon

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open it up, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it while it's running."

________________

Sometimes, it takes some lazy thinking before whining....);

Then and Now (1)

Here is an anecdote about a grandpa talking about his good old days. Read on.....

The Good Old Days

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular...

"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, and a magazine, some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!

Then Grandpa said sadly ..."You can't DO that any more...they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look......" 

Manipulated Rules of court

Judge to the court, at the start of a case: "I have to declare an interest in this case. Last week, the plaintiff sent me a check for $10,000 to find in his favor. 

Two days later, I received $20,000 from the defendant to find in his favor. 

I have therefore sent $10,000 back to the defendant and can try the case without bias."

Which Bone Are You?

Organization Body

The body of any organization has four bones. Which bones do you belong to?


1. Wish bones are those who spend all their time wishing someone else will do all the work;


2. Jaw Bones are people who do all the talking and very little else;


3. Knuckle Bones are those who knock everything that everybody else tries to do;


4. Back Bones are the true workers who get under the load and do all the heavy jobs.

From Arcamax

One That Runs Fast

Buying a Car

A husband and wife were debating on buying a new car. She wanted a fast sports car. He wanted a pickup. As time passed on, her birthday came up and she thought it a great time to fulfill her wish.

She told her husband, "Look, I want something that can go from 0 to 200. Furthermore, I want it to be able to do it in just a few seconds!"

The husband bought her a bathroom scale.

ArcaMax Jokes ezines@arcamax.com